“well, well I’ll just have to tell nurse-in-charge what you –¸

          “I will be up onto the ward in any case to look at miss morcomb’s medication chart and will apologise in person to – who did you say was in charge?¸

          “angie – staff nurse taylor, I’ll ask nurse-in-charge and see what she –¸

          “I’ll apologise to angie in person for the inconvenience I’m causing¸ an he smiles a thick-lipped charmin smile

          “I’ll tell staff nurse taylor that you’ll be another thirty minutes so she can close the medication room. I’ll tell her you’ll be thirty minutes –¸ tara says as she bustles off

          he puts his hands together on the desk again

          “are you feeling any better now?¸

          I nod

          “a couple of questions, do you mind? I’m sorry to put you under pressure but it does seem we’ll have to keep half an eye on the time. I read that you don’t get out of bed, you have problems washing, is that correct?¸

          plates, cups sticky, spilt coffee brown an gummy all over lino an lucy diggin around all them dirty nappies, empty takeaway cartons on the floor, findin one half full pawin curry into her mouth her hands stainin dirty yellow. and the flies again all on my little shell, in corner of her eyes. no point chasin them, I’m tired. she’s stopped cryin. they’ll only fly back gain

          I stare at doctor. badness. bad blood, feel it slow and black in my flesh. my chin heavy against my chest. spread my hands on my lap, watch my fingers twitterin

          “I do wash. sometimes¸

          “sometimes. do you find it hard?¸

          nod. wipe my mouth again

          “why is that?¸

          “dunno¸

          “some people find thinking of just one word to describe how they’re feeling, it helps them communicate a sense of what they’re experiencing? – if you could only use one word?¸

          I shrug

          “maybe describe how you’re feeling at the moment, is there one word that sums it –?¸

          diggin my chin into my chest

          “wearin¸

          “wearing? I don’t under–¸

          I stare up into the blue-white barlight. its throb-throb in my eyes. “like that, always on. under your eyelids wearin you out¸

          “I see. yes. that’s a good way to describe – it really helps me to get a sense. and what medication are you on? do you know? anything to help you with that feeling of wearing out?¸

          “on dipixol.¸ my eyes gettin wet

          “anything else? nothing to help you with your mood?¸

          shake my head

          “and for the side effects?¸

          “stuff for loo. and prostitutin –¸

          “you mean procicladin? does it help?¸